I've spent a lot of time in the last few weeks feeling down and abject about my mothering ability. On more than one occasion I've been known to utter the words, "I used to be such a good mom". I've spent countless days wondering why I'm not a good mommy anymore. Where did my positive, oxytocin induced, supportive, mommy-of-the-year self go? Now don't get me wrong, I've never been that mom that balances life so well you throw up a little just thinking about her, but I feel like I used to be a little better at controlling the "crazy" and a little better at keeping my cool when my three kids do something overwhelmingly annoying. And that's changed. But as hard as I try to figure out why, I just keep coming up with half-cocked excuses and lame projection blame to my kids.
There are probably multiple factors that go toward my feeling like a mommy failure, but it occurred to me today that I can't be that big of a mommy failure because I CARE that I might be failing my kids. The true mommy fail would be to recognize that I might be a failure and to not give a shit, right? So my mom fail is actually a mom win?
